i_like_red | Private to Desdemona-san

....you can understand why I'd be suspicious.

I just want to talk to understand the situation a bit more, nothing more than that.

And how do I know the Prince of Azure Flames won't leap out for my head in the middle of the discussion?

I guess all I can do is give you my word that I'll be alone.

...fine.

Where would you like to meet?

Anyplace you feel is the safest for you to be right now, I guess.

...there's a greenhouse at [...]. I can be there in 20 minutes if you can do the same.

I'll be there.

Sure enough, 20 minutes later, Desdemona is waiting there.

*Juudai arrives and walks over to Desdemona when he spots her. As promised, it appears he has come alone*

I appreciate that you trusted me enough to let me talk with you.

"Mmn."

"...so, what do you want to know?

I just want an explanation.
Isabel said that you were the one who told her if she got rid of the monsters and everything, that it would make people like Jean come back? Why did you let her believe that? Why did you not stop her from causing that destruction and let her go back on a war-path with her powers?

"Because I believed she was doing the right thing at the time."

She hurt and killed a bunch of monsters without a second thought and caused a bunch of damage. She didn't care who stood in her way! What part of that even remotly sounds right!? You're her partner and her friend and you shouldn't be encouraging her to do things like that!

...although this isn't the first time you've shown poor judgement over something.

She glances up at Juudai. "...are you comparing this to what happened to you?"

...a little, I guess.
I had completely forgiven you for what happened back then and it felt like I could trust you again... but this is making me re-think that.

Isabel was far past using her powers that way, she was learning to control them and help others like herself. Then when she needed your support and advice, you tell her the completely wrong way of dealing with her worries.
In the end, she ended up no better than those she was trying to get rid of. Jean and Hikari wouldn't of wanted that and it wouldn't of brought them back.
You should of known that.

"...perhaps I should've. Perhaps I was just trying to delude myself into thinking such a solution was viable." She places her elbows on her knees and threads her fingers together.

"...no matter what else you hear from me or anyone else in the future, Juudai-kun...what I'm about to tell you is the completely unvarnished truth." She pauses for a moment or two, before continuing. "I'm tired."

"I've been in countless battles before, I've lost fights before, but...this city..." She sighs. "I can take a loss. But constantly fighting an ultimately losing battle...against monsters, against humans, against monstrosities, against people I hate fighting, again myself, against...prejudice from everyone towards everyone else..." She places a hand over her head.

"I'm just...so exhausted..."

*Juudai goes silent for a moment after hearing her words, feeling a slight pang of guilt for saying some of the things he had*

...I guess I know how you feel with that. You remember how I was when I graduated from the Academy and I guess I haven't been too hot with good judgement in the past either, especially when under a lot of stress and exhaustion. I've experienced things I really wouldn't want to experience ever again and there's always the fear that hangs over you, even while not much is happening, that something WILL happen.
It's never a matter of if, it's always a matter of when.

Have you been feeling like this for a while? When you came back a few months ago you said you were away due to an illness... I'm curious if that's related to this in a way or if that was something separate.

Edited 2010-03-06 13:26 (UTC)

"Since I learned Duel Monsters had become solid again in this world, it's become harder to ignore what's been in front of my eyes for so long..."

"My...illness is...." She looks away, hesitating for a moment. "Not particularly connected to this."

I guess that's understandable.
There will always be those who cause trouble just because they can, no matter who or what they are, I don't think any world can ever be devoid of that.
I was worried about the idea of spirits being solid because I feared the backlash from both sides... but I've been working with many spirits and people around the city since it happened and I have seen a lot of good come from it too and so long as I can connect one person with one spirit, I don't feel like I'm fighting a losing battle... I feel like I'm making a positive difference and it gives me the will to keep on trying.

*Juudai gives her a little smile*

I find concentrating on the good things does help. It's easy to get lost in all the bad things that go on, especially when you've been through so much of it, you tend to forget about the good things.

I guess you don't want to talk about that illness... *Juudai gives out a small sigh* ...I won't ask anymore about it, but if there's anything you think I should know about it, you should tell me.

"Maybe..." She laughs. "I don't know how much I'll be trusted anymore now anyway...even though I can't see everything, I know...I can tell exactly what they think of me now."

"Even if I say my illness was tampering with my mind...that's...just an excuse." She sighs and shakes her head. "At any rate, I don't think it's anything you need to worry about." She sadly smiles at Juudai a little. "You wouldn't be suspect to it...with Yubel's protection."

*Juudai lowers his head slightly*
I can't speak for those who knew and trusted you, like the students at the academy... but I can imagine there's probably a lot of confusion over it, maybe even anger, but if you want to try and re-gain everyone's trust again over time, then you just have to do the right thing and face what may lay in store afterwards.

You said you were going to give yourself in, right?

As for your illness... even if it can't effect me, I'm concerned it can effect others, if that's what it can do.

She nods. "...yes. After I've made proper arrangements and I'm sure Isabel and Aki are all right, I'll turn myself over."

She sighs. "As to my illness...it's...nothing. As long as I'm properly medicated, I'm not contagious or anything."

*Juudai nods slowly*

Okay. At least once you hand yourself in, it'll be the first step in getting the help you need. Just tell them what you've told me.
As for Aki... if you happen to see her anytime before you give yourself in... tell her everyone's worried about her. We've searched around but we just haven't found her yet.

Edited 2010-03-11 19:19 (UTC)

"Alright..." She sighs. "I'm the best to look for her anyway."

She stands up. "...out of curiosity, how is Isabel doing right now?"

I've tried visiting her a few times, but her door's always been locked and she's not been responding to me... I'm guessing she just isn't ready to talk to me right now.

Desdemona sighs. "I see. After I've found Aki, I'll try to speak to her."

*Juudai nods*
Thanks.
I guess I got all the answers I came here for.

Desdemona nods.

"...I'll call you if I find her."

Thank you.

*And with that he starts to leave*

Private to Desdemona-san

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