Urgh...

[i_like_red]

[private]

I picked up my make-up work from Chronos-sensei yesterday, I didn't realize there would be so much from missing a week's worth of classes, but when I brought it back to my dorm....I realized how behind I actually am on my schoolwork, there's a ton in the corner of my room that I've never even touched, I've just never really had the time to do it with everything that's been going on.
I know I'm not the perfect student, but...I WANT to graduate this year! I want to carry on with my journey, I...
...I want people to be proud of me! Not because I'm the hero who saves the day, I want them to be proud of me for me being myself! I want to graduate, I want my friends and all the people important to me to see that accomplishment!! But I'm so far behind, will I even catch up with it at this rate?

There's so much I feel I've been missing recently. After Darkness... I just... I just wanted a break, a chance to have some fun, hang out with my friends, spend time with Asuka, have more happy memories before I graduated, but bad things just kept on happening, even dueling doesn't bring the same joy to me that it used to, a lot of my duels recently have resulted in something bad happening...or to solve something...to save people...to save the world.
Not that I regret that, I've helped so many people, and I'm glad I have the power to do that! I've grown so much in that area and I want to use this power to help those who need it!! But...it...honestly feels like there's a part of me...somewhere...that's missing. I've felt like that for a long while now, something deep down just feels like it's gone and I'm not sure what it is.

I've been through so much lately and had loads of stuff just constantly keep piling up on me. Bad guy, after bad guy, after bad guy, some of which were working at the same time, I lost count with how many times I've been in the infirmary just this year alone...
Just...urgh, I just feel so tired and frustrated with it all right now and the fact that I may not even graduate this year doesn't make this feeling any better...

What the hell am I going to do!? I'm trying to do some of this work now but I just can't concentrate on it at all right now for some reason!!

Damnit...just, damnit!!

[/private]


((OOC: The above post is actually NOT private, it's open to all characters to comment on. Juudai was trying to make it private so not to worry his friends, but he failed somewhere along the way. The bolded parts I'm playing off as a type of broken code, thus your characters will be able to see this was intended to be hidden from them.))

Comments

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

...Erm... Juudai? I think...

...Do you need any help?

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

I...
...yeah. I really need some help right now.

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

...Do you mind if I come over later and help you with your work? It... Honestly seems like you need it.

...Though I guess this proves that my thoughts about feeling sorry for you were not unfounded.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

I don't mind, I agree that I really do need the help. Thanks, Shikou.
Heh, I really feel like I need a vacation.

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

You're welcome.

...I can't really help to give that... But maybe if you catch up more on your school work with help from others, you'll be able to have more time to rest... Most people would probably snap by now, from the string you've had to deal with. You need a break.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have loads of unfinished work but maybe with the help I can somehow get through it all, it would be nice to do that and be able to relax a little.

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

I'm sure once that's taken care of, you'll be able to rest, Juudai.

Just concentrate for now on it, and you'll be rewarded for your efforts.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

Thanks again, Shikou. I'll be trying my best.

[observershikou.livejournal.com]

You're welcome, Juudai... With as much as you've done for this school... No, for the world itself, given some of the stuff that occurs...

It's the least anyone could do.

[earthnheaven2u.livejournal.com]

... sounds like someone needs to learn the joy of puppies! Even more than I did!

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

There's an overweight cat that likes to hang out in my room... guess they do say petting animals makes you feel better.

[xgodsaysnox.livejournal.com]

My offer is still avaliable, should you wish it.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Yukio.

[xgodsaysnox.livejournal.com]

I apologise for causing you suffering, Juudai.

To walk helps. Journey on your own. Find somewhere peaceful and queit where you shall not have to worry.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

It's okay...what's done is done.

Ah, a walk sounds good.

[xgodsaysnox.livejournal.com]

The bridge is a good place to start.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

Ah, thanks.

[heroesheart.livejournal.com]

..that sounds hard, Juudai-senpai..If you want some help with all of that schoolwork or if you'd like a friendly duel, or anything else, just let me know.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Jean. I will.

[sevencolorgems.livejournal.com]

.........

I'm proud of you.

I'm proud of being your friend, not because you're a hero, but because you're you. You're Juudai. You have such a magnetic personality that it's admittedly hard not to be your friend, but I was still proud of being able to befriend you from the very beginning, before you'd done anything heroic that I knew of.

With any luck, this will be the end of the barrage of bad guys on you for a while, and you'll be able to relax and have time to regain what you've lost. It won't come back all at once, but even if only a little at a time, it will come back.

You used to find your happiness from dueling, from being with your friends, with Asuka, and from shaping your own future with your own hands. Just because a lot of things have fallen onto your shoulders doesn't mean it's the end, and that you'll never find that happiness again. It's just a really elusive thing.

You were always so good at helping others find what they needed to carry on. And I know that most of the best moments of my life have been here, with you. So it really hurts to see you so discontent with everything.

I wish I knew the magic words that would make everything better for you, but it's never that easy. But I still wanna help you any way I can. When you think about life too long like this -- I've done it too -- this is the kind of thing that happens, and you feel really crappy about everything afterwards. It never lasts, though, and hopefully soon you'll be able to find the time and energy you're looking for to better yourself and your mood. Maybe after a good night's sleep or something. You seem to need it.

...Things'll look up, I promise.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

...Johan...

...sorry Johan. I know you guys don't see me as just the "hero", but I guess it's just the only identity I've seemed to of had lately, guess I felt I was kind of losing myself to it, because I haven't had any chance to be myself lately at all.

I really hate feeling this way, I know it's not really like me to be like this, but it just seems to of gotten worse and worse over time with the more things that go wrong. I beat down a bad guy that makes our lives hell and another one instantly takes their place. All this has made me so over-emotional at times, there are times I've let my emotions with this get the better of me and I've done something which when I look back on now, I realize weren't necessary or were really stupid.

Thanks, Johan. Even though I feel really foolish for this entry now, you reminded me that I have you and everyone else behind me and that hope isn't gone, hopefully things will calm down a bit...and maybe I can then regain what I feel I've lost.

[sevencolorgems.livejournal.com]

You don't need to feel foolish about it. Even if you are a hero, you're still human, and you have every right to feel upset about something, especially a legitimate concern like this.

Everyone regrets things that happened in the past, but that's exactly what it is -- the past. If you hold onto it too much, obsess over it, or try to change it, then you'll never be able to move forward, and you'll just stay in the same place for as long as you continue to do so.

[thedinoendswith.livejournal.com]

I'm going to be locking you into the Library-don.

Or maybe you need to go into outerspace again-don.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

Haha, I think I really do need locking in there.
Going into space again would be cool, but I think this time it won't solve my problem.

[thedinoendswith.livejournal.com]

... >.>-saurus.

They might have an awesome space library-don.

[manjoumejun.livejournal.com]

Oi, it'll look bad if you fall behind the rest of us. I'll come by to help this weekend if you're up to it.

[manjoumejun.livejournal.com]

Oh, and teach you how to private these things right.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Manjoume. I really appriciate that.

...and yeah...I'm really not sure how I messed this entry up.

[manjoumejun.livejournal.com]

I'll show you how to fix it later, then.

What are you having the most trouble with?

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

It's okay, I don't really want to hide this entry anymore, people have already seen it anyway.

Pretty much....everything, though I think it's because I'm kinda tired right now, so a lot of it isn't making sense to me.

[manjoumejun.livejournal.com]

Well, all right... You know how to do it the right way, I assume.

... Right, I'll see what I can do about everything. If it comes to it, there's always just cramming for tests and hoping that keeps your grade afloat.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I do. I've made private entries before with no problem, I just messed this up bad and just didn't notice.

Thanks, Manjoume. I really really appricate this help.

[manjoumejun.livejournal.com]

Right.

You've bailed everyone out of worse things before. This'll just be returning the favor.

[azzurro-chronos.livejournal.com]

...Signor Juudai.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

.....

[azzurro-chronos.livejournal.com]

I am here to offer you help na no nae. As your teacher and vice-principal it is my duty to see through your education na no nae!

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

...thank you, Chronos-sensei.

[azzurro-chronos.livejournal.com]

But with this offer I expect you to work to the best ability you can na no nae! Which means no sleeping in classes or slacking off na no nae!!

Now, what I am offering you is an extra class after your regular classes each day, specifically a class for you to make-up your work na no nae. They will be an hour to two hours long, depending on the work set and how soon you finish it and will be personally overseen by myself. I will be looking up work you have yet to complete and will choose the most important that needs to be finished, for the extra class na no nae.
Finish the work in this class and whether or not you have other unfinished work, you will graduate na no nae. Although I do expect you to work on catching up outside of this class as well na no nae. So accept the help offered to you by your friends na no nae!

If you are prepared to work very hard and accept this class, then it will start on Monday na no nae.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

Okay! I accept that, Chronos-sensei! And I promise I won't let you down!!

[azzurro-chronos.livejournal.com]

Good, good na no nae~ I will see you on Monday then, Signor Juudai.

[vehicroid-shou.livejournal.com]

...Aniki .__.

You know we'll do everything we can to help you!! And hopefully we can have some more fun times! I really miss the fun we used to have in our past years here.

Hummm, maybe we should try holding a study group or something!

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

A study group...huh?

[vehicroid-shou.livejournal.com]

Yup! A study group! We could get a bunch of us together and we can study or work on homework together, that way we can help each other out, but have fun and spend time together while doing so!

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

That...sounds like a really good idea. We should try that out!

[xetoile-cyberx.livejournal.com]

... Juudai, I've always been proud of you.

Well. For a while I was actually a little surprised how easily you took things, but ... I am. Of course I'm proud you saved the world (six thousand and a half times over) -- you're their hero -- you're my hero.

I'm proud of you because you grew up. You grew up and learned to look at things like an adult does but you never stopped being you. You're more mature, but ... you're not jaded. We've been through hell and back but you're still smiling.

If I have anything to be proud of, it's you. And ... I love you.

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

...Asuka.

I guess it's just been hard recently, the hero stuff is all I've been doing recently and I haven't had much time to just...be myself I guess and when I come back from it all only to realize all this stuff is making me fail most of my classes...guess it's all just been a bit too much for me lately.

But thank you Asuka, this means a lot to me. And I love you too!

[tomboyish-star.livejournal.com]

Don't feel down, Juudai-kun! If you want my honest to heart advice, well... here it is!

I know you will graduate because nothing will stop you as far as I have seen. You've fought Darkness, you fought the Ka monster, you even fought a whole lot of other things that I know were difficult for you, but that's just fueling your undying fire that everyone knows is inside of you. I know it for a fact that it's not dead because you're always willing to help your friends and loved ones out. If that's not determination or compassion, then I don't know what is!

Your friends and you can always hold group study sessions if you don't get things off the bat! Hell, some of the stuff that they teach here, I don't even get, but I know that I have my friends to fall back on because that's what they are there for! Your friends will always pick you up from the ground and give you the support necessary to fight whatever comes in your way because we all believe in you!

... I hope that helped. ^^;

[i-like-red.livejournal.com]

Heh, even a fire can burn itself out, but yeah the will to help people is still there, it always will be because it's what I do and what I like to do, the stuff that's been happening lately has been all at once though...it has been for a while and it really is hard to take on all that and just not feel burnt-out over it.

But thank you, Hoshi.

[Private to Hoshi]

By the way, those electro shock things you were wearing the night we dueled that thing...
...you're playing with something dangerous there. I don't know exactly what's happened to you but...just be careful.

[tomboyish-star.livejournal.com]

No problem, Juudai-kun.

[Private to Juudai]

I shall be careful, Juudai-kun. Don't worry about me.