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Heh, I guess I was having a real off day today. Maybe. I have so much I still need to learn about that side of me, I was trying to hold it back, even today, and when I finally did turn Haou, I still lost. I guess I'm still struggling to accept that side as a part of me and still struggling to control it...somewhat...it's not like I can turn it on and off like a light switch, it seems to be directly related to how angry I get, then it's there whether I want it to be or not.
I am Haou and Haou is me, I know that, but I've not been accepting it, but in the end, with what's possibly coming, I need to be able to fully rely and trust in that side of me when the time comes. Maybe there's a way I can practise with it, so I can confidently use that power in full.
To my friends, I'm sorry. I really do keep you guys in the dark a lot about what I do sometimes, I only do that because I don't want to burden you with the things I have to face. I still feel guilt over what happened with Uebel, that feeling is never going to go away, but I've let it affect the decisions I've been making. I don't want any of you to get hurt, during the time with Uebel, and a little bit afterwards, I did seriously think of distancing myself from you all and leaving in the hopes I saved you anymore grief. I guess it's good I didn't, turns out I probably would of left you in a big mess, whether I'm to blame for this or not, I don't know, I've been told I'm not, though I've been directly related to some of the events leading up to this.
Something bad is quite possibly coming, I really don't have much in the way of details yet, I've been doing some questioning, though I've been told this event could equal the power to that of a natural disaster, think...epicentre of an earthquake in power...possibly. This is just information I was given last week and it wasn't for complete certain, but something is happening and it's going to happen here, that's why I shouldn't of kept this information from you all, in the end, not telling you isn't protecting you at all, you need to know that something is going to happen here, so you can prepare for it.
It's true what I was told, I shouldn't take this on by my own, it will only increase my chances of failure which I can't afford, but I do promise that I will still be doing everything in my power to protect the island and those who are important to me, I just need to accept and realize I can't shelter you all from what's happening.
I have some growing up to do I think.
Erland, I guess I owe you some thanks. Your methods may of been irritating, but you made me realize a lot of stuff tonight. I wish you luck in where you go after this.
((I think this wins the award of being the most mature post he's ever written, my little Juudai is growing up it seems ;~~;))
I am Haou and Haou is me, I know that, but I've not been accepting it, but in the end, with what's possibly coming, I need to be able to fully rely and trust in that side of me when the time comes. Maybe there's a way I can practise with it, so I can confidently use that power in full.
To my friends, I'm sorry. I really do keep you guys in the dark a lot about what I do sometimes, I only do that because I don't want to burden you with the things I have to face. I still feel guilt over what happened with Uebel, that feeling is never going to go away, but I've let it affect the decisions I've been making. I don't want any of you to get hurt, during the time with Uebel, and a little bit afterwards, I did seriously think of distancing myself from you all and leaving in the hopes I saved you anymore grief. I guess it's good I didn't, turns out I probably would of left you in a big mess, whether I'm to blame for this or not, I don't know, I've been told I'm not, though I've been directly related to some of the events leading up to this.
Something bad is quite possibly coming, I really don't have much in the way of details yet, I've been doing some questioning, though I've been told this event could equal the power to that of a natural disaster, think...epicentre of an earthquake in power...possibly. This is just information I was given last week and it wasn't for complete certain, but something is happening and it's going to happen here, that's why I shouldn't of kept this information from you all, in the end, not telling you isn't protecting you at all, you need to know that something is going to happen here, so you can prepare for it.
It's true what I was told, I shouldn't take this on by my own, it will only increase my chances of failure which I can't afford, but I do promise that I will still be doing everything in my power to protect the island and those who are important to me, I just need to accept and realize I can't shelter you all from what's happening.
I have some growing up to do I think.
Erland, I guess I owe you some thanks. Your methods may of been irritating, but you made me realize a lot of stuff tonight. I wish you luck in where you go after this.
((I think this wins the award of being the most mature post he's ever written, my little Juudai is growing up it seems ;~~;))
