You know... whoever said love was complicated was right.
...I think out of all those who've ever had feelings for me, who I've had to turn away... Isabel was the hardest... and I'm not sure why. Maybe because I know it's something she kinda needs but... I can't be the one to give it to her.
I know how it feels to have feelings for someone and they aren't returned... sure, that whole thing between me and Asuka, when she was forced to hate me, was caused by Darkness, but it hurt... so damn much. Those short two weeks felt like months to me and I never EVER want to feel that again. That alone made me realize just how much she actually means to me.
Asuka and I have over seven months worth of a relationship now and I'd never throw that away, it means too much to me... SHE means too much to me. I never want to hurt her, I want to do things that make her smile, take her to places she's never been, show her as many amazing things as I can.
Too be honest, how I feel about her I don't think I could ever write down or even say properly in words.
Haha, if only she knew how many hearts I was breaking, just to stay with her.
I only hope one day, Isabel will find someone who can give her what she needs and I really hope my decision hasn't effected our friendship, but as difficult as it was... it had to be done.
...this entry sounded a lot more better when it was in my head.